What Is It?

On Sunday when Michael asked us to remember that God is all around us and with us that day and to praise knowing that, well, it made me sad. But not a sad sorrowful sad, a yearning sad. I've always had this desire, well, I've had it for quiet sometime and it comes and goes, that I wanna see God. Yeah, we all have the desire to see that person that created us and who saves us, but it gets to the point where I cry because I desire it that badly. Well, when I was in my car, you know cause that's when I pray the most for some reason, and I was asking him why it is that I always resort to wanting to see his image. And I feel bad, too. You know I can see him in a lot of things. When I look at nature I can see how big he is, his power, his creativity, his vastness. In the wind or when I look at the stars I can see his might and power. In the lives of his children I can see his love. And I've seen thousands of people joined together to praise him and show their devotion to him. That's not our love, well it is, but it's mainly his love because he sustains us, he doesn't give up on us. I see his compassion and provision when we're all singing on Sunday. And even that unity makes me even more sensitive than I already am at those moments. I see him in the lives of couples, I see their bond and know that intimacy God has for us. I see his safety and his care in my own relationship and the relationship I have with my daughter. I see his guidance, his grace, his inticateness, his justice, his order (having things in order) in his Word. I see his character everywhere, so I should feel like that's enough and yet I still want more. You know, I feel like God reveals a lot to me (I'm not saying more than others just that he does more than when I was little). I know things before they happen sometimes, I can tell when someone's upset (sometimes), I know what he wants when I ask him and he's willing to show me, I can feel his encouragement and will, I can hear what he says in my mind, I've felt him touch me when I'm sad and yet I still ask for more? And I know I won't be able to see his image untill he comes again or untill I die. So, I just say I can't wait till you come or I can't wait till I see you. Well, I was thinking that, what is it that makes me want to see him so badly? Do I want to see him so I know that he's real? I don't think so, I know he's real by just looking at the stars. I have no doubt in my mind that he's real, obviously I notice him everywhere. Is it because I wanna know what he looks like or who it is that I talk to? I don't think so, I could care less what he looks like because his image really isn't that important ( and I mean that in the most respect, because I care about all of who God is). Then I thought, maybe it's because if I see him, if I touch his hand and he wraps his arms around me, I'll know just how much he loves me. I know that he loves me a lot, but I'll know exactly. And if I see him nothing will matter because he's the most important thing ever. All my fears, all my dreams, all my troubles will just melt away because the only thing that'll matters is that intimacy that I'll recieve. My desire, my yearning, all that I work for will be met there. It makes me sad just picturing it. I hope that when that day comes it will be far better, I should say "far" a million times, than what I imagine. And I can't wait till he comes and I can't wait till I see him face to face.